I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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