god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
