Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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