pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
