here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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