is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
