i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
