Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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