so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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