Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
