Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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