There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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