The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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