We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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