we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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