Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
then he tried to convert me to islam
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
