she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
