i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
