Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
