Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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