have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
