kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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