I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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