what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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