she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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