he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
