I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize