I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
