I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
