THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
