He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
