Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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