Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
