are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
