You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
