Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We have so much sex to catch up on
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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