if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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