i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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