the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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