He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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