I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
