I just saw a hot homeless man
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
