did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's get the cat blown out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You ruined the universe
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
