Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
NoShamevember. You game?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
