maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
