I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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