Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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