I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
