I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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