sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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