So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
