you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
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