A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
