I want to have your abortion
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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