she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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