dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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