That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
