I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
