I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
