Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
