Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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