You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
