Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize