i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
