after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
