So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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