I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
