yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
