i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
