I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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