I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
