It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
