I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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