Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
