i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
