you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
