I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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