first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize