So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How does one acquire holy water?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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