With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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